We see more of J these days. We selfishly enjoy when he is unattached. We get to spend more time with him. He seems more drawn to us. I want happiness for him more than anything. In the meantime, I am going to soak up all the J time this momma can get. There is always the lure of a home cooked meal as motivation to drop by as well. Meanwhile, I continue to pray for him and give God thanks for his job.
B. Hmmmm feeling his age poor man. Work is using him like a rented mule poor baby. His hands are like sandpaper covered in Neosporin and Band aids. His touch is almost painful to my skin. He continues to battle his depression. It ebbs and flows. He is having a hard go of it lately. The weekends are better, especially if the weather is nice. He did put half the fence up in the yard, and I am hoping he does the back this weekend. We are having trouble with strange unattended kids in the yard. But, I have to wait until he is motivated enough. Accepting him for who he is and what he is capable of or not has been hard, but with that acceptance comes some release of frustration. I have stopped setting expectations for him and then I am not let down. What I get is a bonus. May not seem the best of circumstances, but I think with age comes wisdom...and he is who he is. I can accept that or go. I love him. If I walk out on him, then that pretty much makes everyone. His sister is about the only other person on earth who loves him unconditionally. No wonder I love her.
E. Is working with me this summer. She is saving money for a car. She IS a saver and I envy that. Comes from doing without most of her life I suppose. Every cloud blah blah.
Today BK had a long lunch. He picked her up here at the office with a card and pink roses. Oh how I love that boy! Such a relief that she chose well, or got lucky or whatever. I know no matter what, she will be cared for and respected. That is all that matters. I have enjoyed her company and will be sad when fall comes and she has to be gone for the cold months.
H. My tough one right now. Poor baby is not taking these transforming from child to woman years with a grain of salt. B said she would be our rough one and he was right. We love her to death, but I wish for her sake I had a fast forward button to get her through the teenage angst. She has a good head and is smart, we just have to hang on tight and get over the bumps. She is loving, but with a short fuse. That love however is intense, and selfless and she is the most loyal person you could ever hope to meet. E is strong in her convictions, where H can waver, but a more tenacious loyalty you could never hope to find.
W. Smaaaaart! Stubborn! gee, I wonder where he gets that from tee hee? Really into so much these days. T-Ball fever. I am looking into getting him some equipment. Has quite the arm. E and BK are taking him to a Mud Hens game this spring. I know he will love it. Can't believe this is my last summer with him. B was so sadly right, the first 5 yrs will be rough with him, but go faster than I know. He is my hearts delight. Last night we had a thunder storm and he crawled in between us. I gladly moved over...these times are swiftly fleeting for me. My "little guy" time with him has become a fist full of sand. So I hold tight!
JJ. Has the Devil in him lately...and I grin as I type because he is so darn cute! Lucky for him! Such a lover. Snuggles, kisses, and impeccable manners for a 4 yr old. Such a treat. Speaking of, we have taken to calling him Sugar Boy as of late because of his penchant for treats. What a sweet tooth. What a sweet boy. I must have done something good to be blessed so many times over.
Me. Thankful, ever foolishly hopeful, procrastinating on letting my W go to kindergarten. My mom told me last weekend "you can't keep him home forever" I can try! J is 25...25! Where did my life go? This time around, I am older, hopefully wiser. I will cling, and claw and cry my way through W and JJ. I will savor every moment I can. I will notice ridiculous small things and praise God for them. My camera is now an appendage. Keeping safe my memories...they are all that's left me.
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